What if my Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Wear a Condom?

 
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My boyfriend doesn't like to wear a condom; he says it's uncomfortable. What should I do? 

Sincerely, 

Wondering

 

 

Dear Person with a shitty boyfriend;

Short answer:

Send the boundary-crossing, disrespectful boyfriend packing. 

Long answer:

Tell him he’s got 3 choices:

  1. Either he finds a condom brand that is comfortable to wear.
  2. Tell him it’s either $6 for a box condoms (or FREE at many Planned Parenthood Clinics), OR thousands of dollars in medical and child-related costs if you were to get pregnant OR if one or both of you get an STI.
  3. If he doesn’t want to wear a condom after trying the above two choices, dump him. And find someone who respects your boundaries and your body.

Now, there is one more option: 

There is a condom you can get called the “internal condom” or as it is more commonly known as: the “female condom”. They are bigger, as they cover more surface area, but what they do is very similar to an external condom (male condoms). However, the female condom is a thin, soft, loose-fitting sheath with a flexible ring at each end. They typically come in various sizes. For most vaginas, a moderately sized condom is adequate. The inner ring at the closed end of the sheath is used to insert the condom inside the vagina and to hold it in place during intercourse. The rolled outer ring at the open end of the sheath remains outside the vagina and covers part of the external genitalia. 

How to insert an internal condom:

  • Put lubricant on the outside of the closed end. (a water or silicone base lubricant ONLY)
  • Find a comfortable position. (Stand with one foot on a chair, sit on the edge of a chair, lie down, or squat)
  • Squeeze together the sides of the inner ring at the closed end of the FC2 and insert it into the vagina as you would a tampon.
  • Push the inner ring into the vagina as far as it can go – until it reaches the cervix
  • Pull out your finger and let the outer ring hang about an inch outside the vagina

During vaginal intercourse, it is normal for the internal condom to move from side to side. Stop intercourse if the penis slips between the condom and the walls of the vagina or if the outer ring is pushed into the vagina. As long as the partner has not yet ejaculated, the condom can be gently removed from the vagina to add extra spermicide or lubricant and inserted once again.

How to remove the internal condom:

  • Squeeze and twist the outer ring of FC2 to keep semen inside the pouch
  • Gently pull it out of the vagina or anus
  • Throw it away, DO NOT flush it down the toilet

DO NOT reuse the condom. Just don’t, I don’t care what the internet says – just do not reuse the internal condom. Err on the caution and reason and throw it out. 

Now, Internal condoms are a bit on the more expensive side and more often than not, only accessible with a prescription - which is total bullshit. You can get a prescription from your doctor or at Planned Parenthood

And if your boyfriend is still adamant about not using a condom – dump the dudebro, because it’s not about the condom anymore, it's about control. And honey, nobody fucks with you and your health. 

Best, 

Bethany


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BETHANY KILLEN - RESIDENT ADVICE COLUMNIST & SEX THERAPIST

Bethany Killen (she/her), whose time spent finding ways to navigate through her own personal struggles led her to pursue a career in social work.

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