Q&A: Confused About Sexuality

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I think I might be bi but I am not sure. I like guys for sure but I also feel attracted to girls in a different kind of way. I know that my family and friends would be supportive if I were to come out, but I just want to make sure of my sexuality first. I wouldn't be ashamed if I were to be in the lgbtq+ community, but I am in need of advice and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it.

Sincerely, 

Confused About Sexuality

 

 

Dear Confused About Sexuality,

There’s a bit to unpack here, so allow me to break it down:

You are never obligated to come out to your family. Granted many feel the need to be validated and reassured that they are loved and cared for who they are. And many see it as a right of passage in their growth. And there are people who never feel the need to come out to their families for a variety of reasons. All of these decisions are valid and legitimate. You feel that your family and friends would support you regardless? Fantastic! Just know that you are never obligated to come out, that is a choice for you. 

Secondly, I would like to inform you that there is no set way to be bisexual. You can be dating a man, and be sexually or romantically attracted to women, or vice versa. There is a drawing that breaks it down well, bisexuality isn’t 50-50, it can be 80-20 or 90-10. It is all valid. My suggestion to really know for sure is to experiment. Feel free to consensually, of course, make out with as many men, women and the non binary. Some people know instinctually and others need to experiment. And it is okay to experiment to know for sure. 

Best, 

Bethany

 

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BETHANY KILLEN - RESIDENT ADVICE COLUMNIST & SEX THERAPIST

Bethany Killen (she/her), whose time spent finding ways to navigate through her own personal struggles led her to pursue a career in social work.

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